I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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