She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
