I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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