Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
