I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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