Im at strip club and am horny
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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