I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
