So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
