You really coming over, don't trick.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
