Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
3pm strippers are depressing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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