I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
