you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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