I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this will be a night to untag.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize