What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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