The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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