So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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