you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
