I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
