Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
