So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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