yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
