Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
