..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
