Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
