I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
