I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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