well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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