I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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