I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
