Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
