dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
