so explain again why im purple
no
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
