Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
