Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
