The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
