pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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