She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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