yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
