When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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