Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found a bag of teeth...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
