Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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