I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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