A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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