she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
