all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
