do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
