I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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