He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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