Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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