I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize