I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
