I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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