and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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