watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
