the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize