I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
