shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
