It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
