someone get that fucking seahorse.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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