he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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