Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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