i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
