did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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