You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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