People with herpes should wear stickers.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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