Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
