There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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