Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
