Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
