I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
