On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize