She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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