I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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