i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
