we have pet lesbian snakes
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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