so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
