what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
