party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want her autograph on my taint
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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