The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
