I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
