Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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