the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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