I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
