can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
