Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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