He kissed a someone with a penis
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
