Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it glows. i had to have it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
