Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's blow job season.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
