Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize