So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
