I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
