lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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