Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
