What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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