ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
