I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
