there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
